Ask Beastly: How Do I Start Working as an Escort in the U.S.?
Where to list, what to know, and why it’s not just sex.
Hi there,
I live in NYC and am looking to get into being a male escort, and would feel most comfortable using some sort of digital platform, but I am having trouble navigating which platforms are legitimate. I guess to sum it up, I’m unsure of where to start, and I would love to hear any advice you have.
Best,
Scotty
Hi Scotty.
RentMen—"rentmen.eu" in Europe and "rent.men" in the U.S.—is likely your best choice. RentMen is not an American company, so it is not subject to the anti-prostitution laws of the United States. But it can still be accessed there, for now.
RentMen is the only “legit” platform I know, but I admit, I'm out of the loop a bit. When Rentboy (rentboy.com) was around, it was the best, but the feds raided its New York offices and shut it down in 2015, two years before FOSTA-SESTA (co-signed by Kamala Fucking Harris) shut down sites like Backpage.com and others used by sex workers to find and vet clients.
The drafters of FOSTA-SESTA maintained that these sites were more afflicted with illegal human trafficking and made no distinction between that and consensual sex work. Since U.S. law condemns both, lawmakers make little distinction between them (even though they are profoundly different), and both were forced underground.
I was on RentMen until I moved to Berlin about two years ago. Here, prostitution is legal, and ironically, this is where I quit the business. I stopped for many reasons, and none had to do with the legal status of this work. In Berlin, I found secure income, housing, and healthcare—securities I never had in the U.S.—and decided it was time to let sex work go.
It was good money. It was also emotionally and sexually depleting.
Before you start, you should know that prostitution is illegal in every state of the U.S. except certain parts of Nevada. Some states even criminalise soliciting prostitution (they criminalise "johns"—clients). In most states, prostitution is a misdemeanour in the category of public order crime, though in the past it was a vagrancy crime. Misdemeanours are seen as less severe and punished accordingly, usually with shorter prison time (no longer than a year), fines, and community service. Still, that's serious. That's a record. With a record, you can struggle to find employment for the rest of your life. This is the same cruel American system that keeps poor people poor, unable to find work, people who often return to theft and sex work to survive.
Many sex workers in the U.S. take pains not to show their faces online and protect their identities in case the law comes knocking. Almost all use secure messaging apps like Telegram and Signal to text clients. Some refuse texting entirely and can only be reached by phone—a wise practice. Texts on your phone (or his) can incriminate you.
All this said, screening potential clients on sites like RentMen is the safer approach. Street work is dangerous. Seeking clients at bars and clubs is dangerous. Any social space where police can be easily called—or might be patrolling—is dangerous.
On the slightly shallower end of the sex work pool, content makers use platforms like OnlyFans to sell erotic content (porn). This is totally legal and does not require direct, physical contact with customers. The biggest headache with making porn and selling it online is internet censorship, along with the increasing trend of U.S. credit card comparnies and banks refusing to work with specific companies because those companies sell porn. It all goes back to Miss Harris and her like, who claim that porn equals human trafficking.
I repeat: it's legal in the U.S. to make porn and sell it. However, you may encounter issues with payouts from OnlyFans to your bank, assuming the bank is familiar with OnlyFans. Content creation is a real job and can be exhausting—I was never very good at it—but it is an option.
Whatever version of sex work you choose, all these jobs will change your relationships to sex, your body, and others. This is sex work's biggest challenge.
If you have apprehensions and want to test it out, you should. Create a RentMen profile, see a few clients, and see how it goes. My pro tip: Until you know you want to be a full-time (or even part-time) sex worker, do not put any naked photos online. Once you cross into online porn, that work can be found by current and future employers. Escorting offers you more anonymity, so it's easier to walk away from should you ever want to. Bear in mind that the more public you are, the more you put your face and brand out there, the easier it will be for clients to find you.
A note on social media: You must use carefully coded language. On Instagram, you can never write that you are an escort or sex worker, or your account will get taken down. The same is true on sex apps like Grindr. Follow other sex workers and see how they use coded language to state what they do without saying it directly.
Many standard "hot guy" accounts on Instagram—muscle boys with studio-lit shirtless pics and bulge shots—are sex workers. Many do OnlyFans content or in-person escort work. They always have vague profile text ("Just loving life and exploring the world!") with a link-in-bio to their sites. If you want to turn escorting into a career, you’ll have to do stuff like that. You are the brand. Sell it.
However, don't make that big decision just yet. Test it first to see if you like it. If you enjoy meeting men you are not attracted to and would not have sex with otherwise—if you can find the beauty and meaning in the human connection you give them—then maybe you're ready to do this.
If you stick with it, in time, you will learn what kind of escort you want to be. Some guys do kink, but many do not because of obvious risks and dangers. Kink escorts charge much more, as they are a niche market. Some escorts are top-only, some are bottom-only, and some do both. Total bottoms will be the least successful. Most clients want someone who will top them.
Decide if you want to do quick and dirty fucks or if you want to provide the illusion of intimacy, or "boyfriend experience" work. This is closer to what I did. It requires you to "date" your clients, get to know them, and tailor yourself to their fantasies.
In other words, you will need to choose your brand, a marketing concept that nearly every professional must consider. Successful sex workers are no different from successful musicians and actors. They know their brand, understand what they offer, and work to sell it.
Ready yourself for a learning period in which you will make mistakes. That's part of it. If, after a trial run, you find that you like it, you can make bigger decisions, like how public you will be with it. Consider relocating to a place where it's legal, such as Germany or the Netherlands. These choices matter in a stigmatised and misunderstood trade that is illegal in most parts of the world.
Stay safe and good luck. For more info on this, read my earlier post, which features great advice from sex work advocate and anti-trafficking activist Maggie Mayhem.
Love, Beastly