Ask Beastly: Tips for a First-Time Bathhouse Adventure

Bathhouse newbies, read this before you go.

My husband and I are headed to Chicago for our one-year anniversary (and Pride in the Park music festival), and since we are open and enjoy wild bareback group sex, we are going to hit up Steamworks for the first time. 

Any suggestions of other places to hit up in Chicago for either fun gay shit (bars) or hot fucking fun (bathhouses, gay sex parties, naked pool/hot tub, etc.)? I don't really have any connections there to ask, and living in New Orleans, I know that you really need to know people to find out where anything fun is going on. So I figured, if anyone knows anyone or anything going on, you might be the person to ask, haha, so I am emailing to see if I might get lucky with a response, some advice, direction, etc. Also, Steamworks will just be reopening post-pandemic, so they apparently aren't doing clothes checks, etc., so I guess we will try and wear as little as comfortable on the way there, weather dependent, and then cram whatever we have in a backpack to carry around with us, or hopefully stash within sight of the hot tubs/steam rooms, etc. 

Any suggestions you might have as far as jockstrap brands with pockets for poppers/ID/Phone would be awesome! 

We just want to have a decadent, hot, bare, good time somewhere, and if nothing is out there, I booked a HUGE suite at the Hyatt Regency downtown, so if we get lucky meeting people, bring folks over that want to go high class for a night, haha.

— Chris 

Hey Chris,

Happy Anniversary to you. I am sorry for the wait—I assume you have already gone on this trip. I hope it was great. I answer questions in the order they’re received, and yours unfortunately had a lot of in front of it. Your message has been in my queue line for a while, and I imagine things at Steamworks Chicago are different now than when you sent it.

For future visits—and anyone curious about the Windy City’s notorious gay sex spot—I believe Steamworks Chicago has fully reopened post-pandemic. I have never checked my clothes there—I didn't even know that was possible—but I assume all elements of the Steamworks experience are back from the pandemic slump. I have only ever rented a locker or room and left my stuff in it. Regardless of whether you rent a room or locker, you will be given a key to keep your stuff safe. 

For the rest of your question, Chris, I'm afraid I won’t be much help. I don’t live in Chicago. I have only visited a few times. Boystown is the main gay drag, but everyone knows that. Chicago’s page on GayCities.com will tell you more. 

Whenever I go to a bathhouse or sex club, I bring a small drawstring bag, or what some people call a “gym bag.” (I am baffled by this. A drawstring shoulder bag is barely big enough to carry a pair of shoes. I take a full-sized holdall, like a medium-sized duffel, to the gym, and my stuff barely fits in it.) Alternatively, I bring a spacious fanny pack, or what the British call a bum bag.

Always bring a bag, no matter what. Regardless of what kind of slutty gay place you go to—sex clubs, bars, dance clubs, bathhouses, private sex parties, outdoor raves, whatever—always bring a bag. If I end up checking my clothes, I stuff them in the bag and check the bag. If I don't want to check my clothes, I have a place to store them. If I want to bring a small handheld douche, as I usually do, I have somewhere to put it. Find a spacious fanny pack or a sturdy drawstring shoulder bag and make it your go-to nightlife bag. This is your purse, your nightlife pocket, your going-out treasure. At coat checks, some places charge per item of clothing. Just stuff it all in the bag. Pay for one thing, keep track of one ticket.

Steamworks Chicago is great. Pace yourself and take advantage of the relaxing parts (showers, jacuzzi) between rounds of sex. If you plan to bottom, bring a douching bulb and be prepared to use it in a public toilet. I can't remember if there are private toilets there. Several sex spaces in Germany I’ve visited have bathrooms outfitted with hoses for douching—I force myself not to think about the sanitation of this—but I have never seen these in the United States. Steamworks Chicago does not have complimentary douche hoses, or at least they did not when I last visited in the pre-pandemic days.

I have never seen a jockstrap with a pocket. I put drugs and small things in my cock pouch, nestled between my dick and balls, to sneak them into a venue. After I’m in, I transfer them to my sock. Socks are popular places to stash things, but many door people will feel your socks for drugs. (Recently, a devoted Berlin raver showed me the amazing trick of wearing thick shorts, placing the forbidden item on his upper inner thigh, and literally taping it to his leg. Genius.)

For clubbing, I do not keep my phone, cards, or ID on me after I'm in—these should be checked. The coat check is the safest place for valuables. I keep cash and drugs in my sock. I usually trust, however naively, the other stuff (phone, etc.) with the people working the coat check. 

Think about it. If you keep valuables in a pocket or sock, they can easily fall out. Even if the pocket is zippered, you could be pickpocketed or, more likely, just get high and strip. I have done this more than once: hours into my high, I realised I was only wearing a jockstrap, and some valuable things were in those shorts I took off and left somewhere. Your valuables are more likely to survive the night in the coat check area, where mostly sober people are working. The coat check is the safest place. 

But this advice is for clubbing, not a bathhouse. A bathhouse is different. At Steamworks (and most bathhouses), you will rent a locker or a room—or, I suppose, check your clothes (again, I have never heard of anyone doing this, and I was not aware that Steamworks Chicago had a coat check). Either way, you will have a safe place to keep your things. You will be given a lock to keep them safe. Do not keep your stuff on your person in a bathhouse. The unspoken rule of a bathhouse is that you will walk around nearly naked. I wear a towel, my room key, and nothing else. Do not bring your phone with you through Steamworks. It will get wet. If possible, leave it at home—you only need money and an ID. 

First times are messy. A first time is always an experiment, a testing of the water. Do not judge a place based on a single visit. On my first visit to Laboratory in Berlin (a very famous gay sex club), I lost my receipt for the coat check between the coat check area and the door to leave—a no-no, as the receipt was the only way to prove I had paid. They acted like it was a huge inconvenience for them, but someone must do this every night. The rules were vague, the space was loud, and the workers were irritated and eager to go home. The experience was nerve-racking—I felt like I had committed an egregious sin—but in hindsight, it was a good first-time experience: I will never forget the rules again. I went back and had better experiences after that one. 

Your first visit to the bathhouse will be nerve-racking. It should be, and you are blessed for it. These experiences—thresholds, rubicons, trials by fire—grow rarer the older we get. Revere the act of doing something new and thrilling. On the second visit, you will know what to expect. Its novelty will plummet. It will still be fun, but familiar fun is a different kind. How often can we be kids in candy stores? 

Dans le voyage, il n’y a pas de certitude, seulement de l’aventure.

Love, Beastly