Ask Beastly: Why Are Guys My Age So Prude About PrEP?

PrEP isn’t the problem—stigma is.

Beastly, I just turned 23 in August, and I’m a gay man in the third-largest city in the US. I’ve always dated and played with men older than me, and recently I’ve been trying to meet guys more my age. But I’m a pretty committed bareback top ( or just a top ), and I’m on PrEP and get tested every two months. I’m newish to having regular sex, but I feel like the guys my age here are critical when I ask if they’re on PrEP. I’ve even had guys block me for bringing up the fact I’m on PrEP after berating me for being “ unsafe “. I’ve even tried explaining that there is no “ safe “ sex, just safety practices, and I’m just using my own safety protocols. I have never pushed going bareback on anyone, I’ve just stated it’s my practice. PrEP is free here, and it’s easy to get it from our gay clinics and even school clinics without even using your parents’ insurance if you’re still on it, like I am. Should I put “ no condoms “ in my profile ? I think they’re a real turn-off, and it just feels easier. I don’t even watch porn with condoms. My friends are telling me I should just get over it and wear one to meet guys my age, but isn’t that compromising my own best sex life? I haven't had any real issues with gay guys who are in their late twenties and older with this. And any ideas about why guys my age range ( 20-24 ) are being so shaming?

Hey babe,

You sound like a smart, well-informed guy, aware of your desires and sexual health. But I’d wager most people your age are not.

I would be as explicit as possible. It’s baffling that there are gay and queer men out there who are sexually active but still shame PrEP users as being slutty and irresponsible. What is irresponsible about protecting yourself from HIV?

Sure, you might get chlamydia more often than die-hard condom users. But chlamydia can’t kill you—HIV will. You’re being smart while still enjoying the sex you like. If they are too young and immature to understand that, don't fuck them.

I’d put “no condoms” or something like that on your profile—absolutely. It will filter out the guys you don’t want and find the ones you do.

Love, Beastly