Ask Beastly: I Want to Be a Fisting Top—Where Do I Start?
Patience, practice, and one hungry hole at a time.
Hey there! I came across your “fisting tips for beginners” article. I’m 24 and based in NYC. I’m extremely interested in becoming an FF top, but I'm unsure where to gain experience, as it seems that all FF bottoms require experience (understandably). After reading your article, I ordered non-latex gloves, J-lube, and clove oil. Do you have any suggestions on what I should do next and how to gain experience? Thanks!
Hey there,
Yes, most fist bottoms want guys with lots of experience. Fisting involves significant injury risk if not done safely, and most bottoms have played with a beginner who was unsafe. We all have had scares. We all know someone who went to the Emergency Room after a bad date. It happens.
We want tops who will not hurt us, and that typically (but not always) comes with experience.
This surely makes things more difficult for those who don't have that experience and want to learn. Just as beginner bottoms should only play with experienced tops, beginner tops should find experienced bottoms who are happy to guide them through the experience. Many of us go to fisting events to watch and learn, and major fetish gatherings like CLAW, IML, and Darklands typically have fisting tutorials and demos. You should go to these, as many other FF tops and bottoms do.
Many advanced bottoms like to help a newbie. Find one. You will have to hunt harder, but once you find a good guy, you will learn quickly. Fisting is not especially difficult to learn as a top, but, like bottoming, it takes years to learn how to do it well, and those years are (often, but not always) what separate the average tops from the excellent ones. Most FF bottoms knows how it feels to be fist-fucked by someone who has done it a few times versus someone who has done it for ten, even twenty years.
It’s night and day. It’s incredible.
That's not surprising, and really, it's the same for bottoming: it often takes a decade to become good. If we are expected to give years—years—of our lives to figuring out various complex douching methods and training our butts, a top should also be expected to put in some years before they call themselves pro.
In those years, you probably should face some rejection for being new, just as every fist bottom has faced rejection because they are not advanced enough. You must pay your dues and work your way up. It takes time to grow. You build your life in fisting one connection at a time and every connection matters. See every fisting date as a lesson. Every fisting playmate will teach you something new.
Love, Beastly