Ask Beastly: How Do I Find Private Sex Parties in the U.S.?

Use apps—or ditch them for real-life fun.

Hello Alexander,

Your tips and advice from your advocate.com articles: From coming back up for air after a heavy play session to what to wear to sex parties have helped me heaps to let go and explore. Thank you!

I'm moving to Seattle from Australia next month. Can you give me some pointers on how to search for sex parties in Seattle or the USA in general, please? I am aware of CumUnion, bathhouses, and bars, but what about the private sex parties? I wonder if there are any parties like the Guys2Group Mount (https://guys2.org/c/mount/), but perhaps for daddies and sons, or maybe parties with race play?

I look forward to hearing from you, and again, thank you for your writings over the years.

Regards,
Andy H

Hey Andy,

I am no longer an American, so all the info I have is at least two years old.

I never lived in Seattle and don't know anything local there, though I am sure you can cruise the apps, BBRT, Sniffies, and various websites to find places where guys meet for sleazy group sex. You might have to travel—you might have to hop down to San Francisco or Los Angeles—but being in the Pacific Northwest means you have an easier journey to find what you’re looking for than gays in Syria or Japan have.

You’ll find it.

I have lived in Savannah, Atlanta, San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, and Berlin. In all these places, the easiest way to find private sex parties was on apps like Grindr and websites like BBRT and Sniffies. There are many more apps, and I'm sure there are other websites, but I'm not familiar with them, and that's because I prefer not to use digital platforms. I am now mostly an in-person guy.

Analog cruising is, in part, my rejection of how gay sex is now a for-profit business for the companies that run these apps. A Chinese gaming company now owns Grindr, and it is absurdly expensive if you want to see more than a few guys nearby. "Premium" accounts on Grindr and Scruff now cost the same as a monthly gym membership. My sex life has always been free, and I plan to keep it that way.

But I also choose analog cruising because I’m not good at it. You will become good at anything you practice, and I need practice in this area. Cruising in person is a skill I lack, and I want to improve at it. I'm not great at approaching strangers in a bar, but I'm getting better by staying off the apps.

Analog cruising forces me to take what I get and not be choosy with the experience I want. True, it’s hard to find wild sex groups when I’m just meeting guys in a bar. When it does happen—when I go home with a fun couple and they invite friends over—it feels authentic and exciting, without the tedious process of trading pictures and sending repetitive text messages. But that doesn’t happen often, not without apps. Analog cruising typically means one-on-one experiences.

I don't find groups as often or as easily as guys do online, so I suppose that's the trade-off: in-person interactions force me to be happy with the moment instead of seeking a particular experience. I don't choose from a list of strangers in little boxes: I choose from guys in a bar. That in-person chemistry, that visceral dance, feels daring and real in a way apps do not.

I don’t avoid apps totally. I love fisting and sometimes I just need to get fisted. Fisting is pretty specific. If I need it, I need to go online and chat with guys who are into it. Somewhat surprisingly, I have never run into a cute guy at a bar who just happened to be into fisting.

If you're adamant about finding something specific—like fisting, or a private sex party that accommodates race play (unlikely to happen, sorry)—use the apps. If you're willing to enjoy what life throws at you, go without. Raw-dog it.

Love, Beastly