Ask Beastly: Is Anyone Else Into Face Fisting?

If you want a hand in your mouth, you’re not alone.

Hi Beastly, there is so much information on the internet about so many kinks, but I have one that I can't find much written about. I know you are into anal fisting. Well, I am into what I call "face fisting," although this term doesn't turn up much with an internet search.

I want a man's entire hand or foot in my mouth as far as it can go without me completely gagging. My fetish is less about gagging and more about just feeling like my mouth is very full. I like the way that my mouth stretches to accommodate all those fingers or toes. I know that foot fetishes are very common and, to a lesser extent, hand fetishes are too. But this isn't just about the appendages but also about a specific action. And even within the world of gay foot fetish porn, face-fisting is only a very small and seemingly unnamed subcategory. 

I've experienced it a couple of times, and it was really thrilling. I have found just a few porn videos that portray this. I wonder if you know more than I do. Are other people into this? Is there a name for this other than the one that I invented myself? 

Thanks!

Gregory

Hey Gregory.

Yes, there are others like you. I don’t know of any “official” name for your kink, and you’re unlikely to find better porn depicting it—that’s what sex is for.

I receive questions like this often. People seek the real or “correct” name for what they’re into, hoping the name will yield better porn and make online communities magically appear. I think that’s the dream scenario for everyone with a niche kink. Sadly, I think it rarely comes true. (Not all of us can be as lucky as the novice fist pig who stumbles across the large, vibrant, chronically-online fisting community.)

There is probably no common-use term—there isn't for many kinks. There might be a more science-sounding term for the paraphilia(s)—the fetishes— involved, like "quirofilia" (a fetish for hands and fingers), but you won't find porn with that word.

Many people like to get skull-fucked and throat-trained and have things stuffed in their mouths. These are hazardous fetishes, since you risk asphyxiation and can hurt yourself; people get surgery all the time for accidents that happen during intense throat play like this. But that doesn’t stop hardcore throat pussies from kneeling to take huge cocks (and more) as deep as possible.

People like to push their limits—or, rather, to feel their limits pushed—and I know several guys into what you’re calling “throat fisting” (I don’t know a better way to describe it either). Because you’re into it, and there are no new ideas, you can be sure others are, too. You will find them by asking around, talking to kinky people, and meeting guys with adjacent kinks that are more common and therefore easier to find, like skull-fucking and throat training with toys.

There are always others. That is the great constant of kink: no matter how niche it is, you’re not the only one. Frustratingly, even fetishes shared by thousands of people worldwide lack a community label or a concise term to describe them. There are plenty of people who like tickling and sitting on things that pop and break (like balloons), but since there isn’t a common term for these fetishes or these communities, these people struggle to find each other. Finding common words requires people to agree on them and use them widely. And that’s tough.

We just don’t have a lot of good, sexy-sounding language for this stuff. No one gathered the fisters together in the late 1960s and early 1970s to decide as a group what to call this practice. If they had, one hopes they would have chosen something better than “fisting” and “handballing”—these violent-sounding words have misconstrued our kink to outsiders ever since.

While we may never know the origins of "fisting" and "handballing,” it’s likely some sex club owner or porno magazine editor from that time invented them to give a name to something guys were already doing, or perhaps these terms evolved organically among practitioners in small, tightly-knit urban circles circles (San Francisco and New York, most likely) and gradually became gay lexicon.

The language surrounding kinks remains fairly individual and varies from person to person. The best way you will ever be able to explain what you like is the way you explained it to me: you want your mouth stretched around a hand. People who are into it will get it. People who aren’t, won’t. Your kinks are your unique code and will need to be explained to all partners. The search for guys who fulfil them is a kinky person’s journey. It’s always a hunt, but that hunt is part of our lives.

I’m still hunting for a guy who resembles a mythic figure in my mind—my dream fist top whose hands are perfect, who wants to date me and train me and double-fist me, who loves rock-and-roll and doesn’t overabuse drugs; someone who’s patient and kind. If I ever meet him, I will probably ask him to marry me. You have to keep that fantasy man in your mind alive: as you look for him, you’ll find others to fill his shoes until one day you realise the guys you’re playing with are better than the dream.

But kink starts with a dream—a dirty fantasy torn from a porn comic or childhood memory, or from whatever first triggered your fetish in the first place. I think every kinkster starts with a fantasy, something impossible and idealised and intense, and must then let life meet and surpass it. Stay hungry, and keep looking.

Love, Beastly