Ask Beastly: Bottoming Keeps Hurting. Is Prep H the Fix?
It helps—but so does listening when your hole says "nah."
Hey there :) I just read your article on happier, healthier bottoming for Out magazine because I was researching Prep H. You mentioned that you can have sex for hours and then go exercising the next day. How did you reach a point where you didn't need to use Prep H anymore? Just from experience? Even though I've bottomed for six years, I've never used it before and generally don't have a noticeable challenge with swelling—I struggle a lot with tearing instead. However, since I'm currently recovering from an inflamed tear, I thought I would look into Prep H. I would love to hear your tips on why you no longer need it.
Howdy,
That article is several years old. Anything I wrote about my body and my sex then is probably no longer true. My sex and body have evolved.
I now recommend using an anti-haemorrhoid rectal suppository after a night of bottoming (or any kind of ass play). If you can't find suppositories, which should be available at your local drugstore, any generic anti-hemorrhoid cream or ointment applied rectally will do. Most drugstores sell anti-hemorrhoid ointment.
Most bottoms I know use some kind of cream or ointment like this after a fun night to reduce swelling, mitigate tears, and heal tissue that is inflamed and irritated (in the case of fisting, quite unavoidably, as fisting is tissue trauma—pleasurable, wonderful, beautiful, controlled, gradual traumatisation of rectal tissue).
If you struggle with repeated tears, I don't think anti-haemorrhoid cream will be enough. Repeated tears mean you are too tight. If there's one lesson I've learned from fisting, it is this: Injury happens when you are not relaxed and your muscles are resisting what is happening. Resistance in the mind and body means the muscles are rigid and the stretching taking place in your hole is being forced rather than welcomed. The path to relax more and prevent tears is twofold: slowly train with butt toys by yourself regularly until you can comfortably take big ones without much effort or pain, and try breathing and meditation exercises that can help you learn to control your breath, relax your body, and invite the sensation of being stretched and opened.
Always listen to the subtle messages from your mind and body, and don’t try to overpower them. A sex partner can be perfect on paper, can tick all the boxes you want, but if the mind says something is off—even quietly—then the sex should probably stop. The presence of resistance in the mind and body is not something to be fought, but rather something to be heeded. This is why drugs are so risky: they overpower the mind and body's subtle messages. They turn off or overpower those gut feelings, those inner voices. I enjoy sex and drugs, and they are great fun when put together, but an unavoidable aspect of playing with chems is a higher risk of injury.
If you learn to listen to your mind, be attentive and attuned to the needs of your body, train your hole, and give yourself adequate aftercare for your hole (which can and probably should include Preparation H or some other anti-haemorrhoid product), the tears will happen less frequently.
Love, Beastly